Joke of the day

[JACKBURTON]

If a Smurf was choking......how would you know?

Based on popular fan theory, jokes, and a scene in The Smurfs cartoon where a character held their breath, a choking Smurf would likely turn dark purple or a deeper shade of blue. Because Smurfs are already blue, the blood rushing to their face from a lack of oxygen mixes with their natural skin tone to create a purple, black, or dark blue hue.

 

[Jim L]

Ahhh...... so you mean like this?

 

[JACKBURTON]

Ahhh...... so you mean like this?
View attachment 3741

Yeah but probably not so angry looking.
I can still hear the sound that smurf is making..

 

[MikeJr]

Happy Friday ya filthy bastards,

I went to the aquarium last weekend, but I didn’t stay long. There’s something fishy about that place.

Keep well,
Mike

 

[KenH97]

Happy Friday!

What is the worst combination of illnesses? Alzheimer’s and diarrhea. You’re running but can’t remember where.

 

[Brenda]

I was going to tell a time traveling joke, but you guys didn't like it.

 

[loaders]

What do you give a woman who has everything?…….penicillin.

 

[Brenda]

What do you give a woman who has everything?…….penicillin.

OK - that one made me burst out laughing

 

[loaders]

OK - that one made me burst out laughing

Feel free to change woman to man!

 

[Jim L]

Wife: Honey, that light is flickering. Can you fix it?
Husband: Do I look like an electrician?
Later that day
Wife: Dear, this drawer is catching and doesn't work right. Is there something you can do about it?
Husband: Do I look like a carpenter?
In the evening.
Wife: The toilet is always running; do you know why that is?
Husband: Do I look like a plumber?

The following day, the husband comes home from work and notices the light is not flickering.

Husband: Hey, the light is not flickering - what happened?
Wife: You won't believe it, the new neighbour stopped by to introduce himself and while we were chatting, he noticed the light flickering. He said he can fix it. While he was fixing it, I mentioned the toilet and the drawer we talked about. He said he can fix it all, but he'd need payment - either bake a cake or simply have sex with him.
Husband: What kind of cake did you get for him?
Wife: Do I look like a baker?

 

[Rob]

What do you give a woman who has everything?…….penicillin.

Pretty sure I went out with her and her sister.

 

[loaders]

“Double trouble” I think they went to my high school as well!

 

[normanjean]

Happy Friday ya filthy bastards,

I went to the aquarium last weekend, but I didn’t stay long. There’s something fishy about that place.

Keep well,
Mike

LOL Awesome

 

[wesward]

What do you give a woman who has everything?…….penicillin.

that is the best

 

[Jim L]

A doctor reaches into his pocket to get a pen and write a prescription but pulls out a rectal thermometer instead.
'Oh, darn it,' he says, 'some A**hole has my pen!'

 

[Jim L]

Three doctors are discussing which types of patients they prefer.
Doctor Watson says, ''I prefer librarians. All their organs are alphabetized.''
Doctor Fitzpatrick says, ''I prefer mathematicians. All their organs are numbered.''
Doctor Ahn says, ''I prefer lawyers. They’re gutless, heartless, brainless, spineless, and their heads and rear-ends are interchangeable.''

 

[Jim L]

I read that FACEBOOK bought INSTAGRAM for 1 Billion dollars! They then bought WHATSAPP for 19 Billion dollars!

Did anyone tell them they can download it for free?