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DISNEYLAND
Two Newfies were going to Disneyland.They were driving on the Interstate when they saw the sign that said Disneyland LEFT. They turned around and went home.
FLORIDA OR MOON
Two Newfies were sitting on a bench talking and one says to the other, 'Which do you think is farther away.Florida or the moon?'
The other turns and says, “ That's easy. Can you see Florida ?????'
CAR
TROUBLE
A Newfie pushes his BMW into a gas station. He tells the mechanic it died.
After the mechanic works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly.
The Newfie says, 'What's the story?'
The mechanic replies, 'Just crap in the carburetor.'
The Newfie asks, 'How often do I have to do that?'
SPEEDING TICKET
A police officer stops a Newfie for speeding and asks him if he could see his license.
He replies in a huff, 'I wish you guys would get your act together.
Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!'
THE DOCTOR'S OFFICE
A Newfie goes into the doctor's office and said that his body hurts wherever he touched it.
'Impossible!' says the doctor.. 'Show me.'
The Newfie took his finger, pushed on his left shoulder and screamed. Then he pushed his elbow and screamed even more.
He pushed his knee and screamed; then he pushed his ankle and screamed. Everywhere he touched made him scream.
The doctor said, 'You're not from Ontario are you?
“No,” he said, 'I'm from St. John's''
'I thought so,' the doctor said, 'Your finger is broken.'
IN A VACUUM
A Newfie was playing Trivial Pursuit one night.... It was his turn. He rolled the dice and landed on Science & Nature.
His question was, 'If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?' He thought for a time and
then asked, 'Is it on or off?'
FINALLY, THE NEWFIE JOKE TO END A LL NEWFIE JOKES!
A guy was visiting his Newfie friend, who had acquired two new dogs, and asked him what their names were.
The Newfie replied that one was named Rolex and one was named Timex.
His friend said, 'Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?' “Easy,” answered the Newfie , 'They're watch dogs'!
...AND FOR GOOD MEASURE- ONE MORE NEWFIE JOKE
A policeman pulls over a Newfie, in Manitoba for speeding. While he’s writing out the ticket, a fly was bothering the Cop. The Newfie says, “That’s a circle fly, sir.” The policeman asks, “What’s a circle fly?” The Newfie says, “Them are the flies you find in the barn around a horse’s arse.” The policeman says, “Are you calling me a horse’s arse?” “Oh, no, sir. I would never say a thing like that, but you can't fool them flies,sir.”
Two Newfies were going to Disneyland.They were driving on the Interstate when they saw the sign that said Disneyland LEFT. They turned around and went home.
FLORIDA OR MOON
Two Newfies were sitting on a bench talking and one says to the other, 'Which do you think is farther away.Florida or the moon?'
The other turns and says, “ That's easy. Can you see Florida ?????'
CAR
TROUBLE
A Newfie pushes his BMW into a gas station. He tells the mechanic it died.
After the mechanic works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly.
The Newfie says, 'What's the story?'
The mechanic replies, 'Just crap in the carburetor.'
The Newfie asks, 'How often do I have to do that?'
SPEEDING TICKET
A police officer stops a Newfie for speeding and asks him if he could see his license.
He replies in a huff, 'I wish you guys would get your act together.
Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!'
THE DOCTOR'S OFFICE
A Newfie goes into the doctor's office and said that his body hurts wherever he touched it.
'Impossible!' says the doctor.. 'Show me.'
The Newfie took his finger, pushed on his left shoulder and screamed. Then he pushed his elbow and screamed even more.
He pushed his knee and screamed; then he pushed his ankle and screamed. Everywhere he touched made him scream.
The doctor said, 'You're not from Ontario are you?
“No,” he said, 'I'm from St. John's''
'I thought so,' the doctor said, 'Your finger is broken.'
IN A VACUUM
A Newfie was playing Trivial Pursuit one night.... It was his turn. He rolled the dice and landed on Science & Nature.
His question was, 'If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?' He thought for a time and
then asked, 'Is it on or off?'
FINALLY, THE NEWFIE JOKE TO END A LL NEWFIE JOKES!
A guy was visiting his Newfie friend, who had acquired two new dogs, and asked him what their names were.
The Newfie replied that one was named Rolex and one was named Timex.
His friend said, 'Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?' “Easy,” answered the Newfie , 'They're watch dogs'!
...AND FOR GOOD MEASURE- ONE MORE NEWFIE JOKE
A policeman pulls over a Newfie, in Manitoba for speeding. While he’s writing out the ticket, a fly was bothering the Cop. The Newfie says, “That’s a circle fly, sir.” The policeman asks, “What’s a circle fly?” The Newfie says, “Them are the flies you find in the barn around a horse’s arse.” The policeman says, “Are you calling me a horse’s arse?” “Oh, no, sir. I would never say a thing like that, but you can't fool them flies,sir.”
