Friday Joke - July

[AccountsReceivable@DRC]

Noticing a mistake in St. Peter's roster, God calls Satan; "It seems you accidentally received some of my professionals down there: a teacher, a doctor and a farmer."
"Yeah," Satan replies. "All the more for me!"
God replies, "You better send them up here immediately."
Satan says, "No way. I'm keeping them."
God says, "Send them up here, or I'll sue the horns right off you."
Satan laughs uproariously, "Yeah, right. And just where are YOU going to get a lawyer?"

A successful businessman flew to Vegas for the weekend to gamble. He lost the shirt off his back, and had nothing left but a quarter and the second half of his round trip ticket. All he needed to do was somehow get to the airport, and then he'd be home-free.
So he went out to the front of the casino where there was a cab waiting. He got in and explained his situation to the cabbie. He promised to send the driver money from home. He offered him his credit card numbers, his drivers license number, his address, etc...
The cabbie said, ''If you don't have fifteen dollars, get the hell out of my cab!''
So the businessman was forced to hitchhike to the airport and was barely in time to catch his flight.
One year later the businessman, having worked long and hard to regain his financial success, returned to Vegas and this time he won big. Feeling pretty good about himself, he went out to the front of the casino to get a cab ride back to the airport. Well who should he see out there, at the end of a long line of cabs, but his old buddy who had refused to give him a ride when he was down on his luck.
The businessman thought for a moment about how he could make the guy pay for his lack of charity, and he hit on a plan.
The businessman got in the first cab in the line, ''How much for a ride to the airport,'' he asked?
''Fifteen bucks,'' came the reply.
''And how much for you to give me a blowjob on the way?''
''What?! Get the hell out of my cab.''
The businessman got into the back of each cab in the long line and asked the same questions, with the same result.
When he got to his old friend at the back of the line, he got in and asked, ''How much for a ride to the airport?''
The cabbie replied, ''Fifteen bucks.''
The businessman said, ''OK,'' and off they went. Then, as they drove slowly past the long line of cabs, the businessman gave a big smile and thumbs up sign to each of the other drivers.

 

[lowmiler88]

Because of his stupidity and clumsiness, his teacher was always yelling at him, "You're driving me crazy, Tyrone!"
One day Tyrone's mama came to school to check on how he was doing.

The teacher told his mama honestly, that her son was simply a disaster, getting very low marks, and that she had never seen such a lazy, stupid boy in her entire teaching career.
The mom was so shocked at this feedback that she withdrew her son from school and moved out of Calgary, relocating to Edmonton.
25 years later, the teacher was diagnosed with an almost incurable cardiac disease.
All the doctors strongly advised her to have open heart surgery, which only one surgeon at the Edmonton clinic could perform.
Left with no other options, the teacher decided to have the operation, which was indeed successful.
When she opened her eyes after the surgery she saw a handsome young doctor smiling down at her.
She wanted to thank him, but could not talk.
Suddenly, her face started to turn blue. She raised her hand, trying to tell him something but quickly died.
The doctor was shocked, wondering what went wrong so suddenly.
Then he turned around and saw our friend Tyrone, a janitor in the clinic, who had unplugged the life-support equipment in order to connect his vacuum cleaner.


If you were thinking Tyrone had become a heart surgeon, there is a high likelihood that you voted NDP.

 

[AccountsReceivable@DRC]

The train was packed and a U. S. Marine walked the entire length looking for a seat, but a well-dressed, Middle-aged, French woman's poodle took the only seat remaining.
The war-weary Marine asked, "Ma'am, may I have that seat?" The French woman just sniffed and said to no one in particular, "Americans are so rude. My little Fifi is using that seat."
The Marine walked the entire train again, but the only seat left was under that dog. "Please, ma'am. May I sit down? I'm very tired. "She snorted, "Not only are you Americans rude, you are also arrogant!"
The next time the Marine didn't say a word; he just picked up the little dog, tossed it out the train window and sat down.
The woman shrieked, "Someone must defend my honor! Put this American in his place !"
An English gentleman sitting nearby spoke up, "Sir, you Americans seem to have a penchant for doing the wrong thing. You hold the fork in the wrong hand, you drive your vehicles on the wrong side of the road. And now, Sir, you seem to have thrown the wrong bitch out the window”.

 

[sawgrass]

If you're not familiar with the work of Steven Wright, he's the famous erudite scientist and humorist who once said:
"I woke up one morning, andall of my stuff had been stolen and replaced by exact duplicates."
His mind sees things differently than most of us do.
Here are some of his gems:
1 - I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
2 - Borrow money from pessimists -- they don't expect it back.
3 - Half the people you know are below average.
4 - 99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
5 - 82.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot.
6 - A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.
7 - A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
8 - If you want the rainbow, you got to put up with the rain.
9 - All those who believe in psychokinesis, raise my hand.
10 - The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
11 - I almost had a psychic girlfriend, But she left me before we met.
12 - OK, so what's the speed of dark?
13 - How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink?
14 - If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
15 - Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
16 - When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
17 - Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.
18 - Hard work pays off in the future; laziness pays off now.
19 - I intend to live forever. So far, so good.
20 - If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
21 - Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
22 - What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
23 - My mechanic told me, "I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder."
24 - Why do psychics have to ask you for your name.
25 - If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
26 - A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
27 - Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
28 - The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread.
29 - To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
30 - The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.
31 - The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.
32 - The colder the x-ray table, the more of your body is required to be on it.
33 - Everyone has a photographic memory; some just don't have film.
34 - If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
35 - If your car could travel at the speed of light, would your headlights work?


Brains of older people are slow because they know so much . People do not decline mentally with age, it just takes them longer to recall facts because they have more information in their brains, scientists believe . Much like a computer struggles as the hard drive gets full, so, too, do humans take longer to access information when their brains are full.
Researchers say this slowing down process is not the same as cognitive decline . The human brain works slower in old age, said Dr. Michael Ramscar, but only because we have stored more information over time. The brains of older people do not get weak. On the contrary, they simply know more .
Also, older people often go to another room to get something and when they get there, they stand there wondering what they came for. It is NOT a memory problem, it is nature's way of making older people do more exercise .
SO THERE!!

 

[lowmiler88]

Harley and Vaseline

Joe wanted to buy a motorcycle.
He doesn't have much luck, until one
day, he comes across a Harley with a
'for sale' sign on it.
The bike looks better than a new one,
although it is 10 years old.
It's shiny and in mint condition.
He buys it and asks the seller how he
kept it in such great condition for 10
years.
'Well, it's quite simple,' says the
seller, 'whenever the bike is
outside and it's gonna rain, rub
Vaseline on the chrome.
It protects it from the rain, and he
hands Joe a jar of Vaseline.

That night, his girlfriend, Sandra, invites him over to meet her parents. Naturally, they take the bike there.
Just before they enter the house, Sandra stops him and says, 'I have to tell you something about my family.
'When we eat dinner, we don't talk.
In fact, the FIRST person who says anything during dinner has to do the dishes.'
'No problem,' he says.. And in they go.
Joe is shocked.
Right in the middle of the living room is a huge stack of dirty dishes.
In the kitchen is another huge stack of dishes. Piled up on the stairs, in the corridor, everywhere he looks.
Dirty dishes.

They sit down to dinner, and sure enough, no one says a word.
As dinner progresses, Joe decides to take advantage of the situation.
He leans over and kisses Sandra.
No one says a word.
He reaches over and fondles her breasts. Nobody says a word.
So he stands up, grabs her, rips her clothes off, throws her on the table and screws her, right there in front of her parents.
His girlfriend is a little flustered, her dad is obviously livid and her mom horrified when he sits back down, but no one says a word.
He looks at her mom. She's got a great body too.
Joe grabs mom, bends her over the table, pulls down her panties, and screws her every which way but loose right there on the dinner table.
She has a big orgasm, & Joe sits down.
His girlfriend is furious, her dad is boiling, & Mom is beaming from ear to ear. But still....Total silence.

All of a sudden there is a loud clap of thunder, and it starts to rain.
Joe remembers his bike, so he pulls the jar of Vaseline from his pocket.


Suddenly the father shouts.
I'll do the fuckin’ dishes!!

 

[jackhole]

A couple of old Mennonite women , Vera and Miram , were digging potatoes one afternoon when Vera dug up a couple of pototoes and said " You know Miram , these kind of remind me of my husband's balls "
Miriam said " that big ? "
Vera replied " No , that dirty "

 

[jackhole]

A Newfie, a little man, was sitting at a bar in Toronto when this huge, burly American guy walks in.

As he passes the Newfie, he hits him on the neck knocking him to the floor. The big, burly Yank says, "That's a karate chop from Korea."

Well, the Newfie gets back on his barstool and resumes drinking his beer.

The burly American then gets up to go to the bathroom and, as he walks by the Newfie, he hits him on the other side of the neck and knocks him to the floor. "That's a judo chop from Japan", he says.

The Newfie decides he's had enough and leaves. A half hour later he comes back and sees the burly American sitting at the bar. He walks up behind him and smacks him on the head, knocking him out cold. The Newfie says to the bartender, "When he wakes up, tell him that was a fuckin' crowbar from Canadian Tire."
--

 

[sawgrass]

Jack goes to his friend Mike and says ...
"I'm sleeping with the Minister’s wife. Can you hold him in church for an hour after Church for me?"
The friend doesn't like it but being a friend, he agrees.
After Church, he starts talking to the Minister, asking him all sorts of stupid questions, just to keep him occupied.
Finally the Minister gets annoyed and asks Mike what he's really up to.
Mike, feeling guilty, finally confesses to the Minister...
"My friend is sleeping with your wife right now, so he asked me to keep you occupied."
The Minister smiles, puts a brotherly hand on Mike's shoulder and says...
"You better hurry home now. My wife died a year ago"


A lawyer boarded an airplane in New Orleans with a box of frozen crabs
and asked a blonde flight attendant take care of them for him. She
took the box and promised to put it in the crew's refrigerator. He
advised her that he was holding her personally responsible for their
staying frozen, mentioning in an arrogant manner that he was a lawyer,
and threatened what would happen to her if she let them thaw out.

Shortly before landing in New York, she used the intercom to announce
to the entire cabin, "Would the lawyer who gave me the crabs in New
Orleans, please raise your hand?"

Not one hand went up ... So she took them home and ate them.

There are two lessons here:

1. Lawyers aren't as smart as they think they are.

2. Blondes aren't as dumb as most folks think.

 

[AccountsReceivable@DRC]

A panda walks into a bar and gobbles some beer nuts. Then he pulls out a gun, fires it in the air, and heads for the door. “Hey!” shouts the bartender....what the hell??? The panda yells back...“I’m a panda. Google me!”
Sure enough: panda: “A tree-climbing mammal with distinct black-and-white coloring. Eats shoots and leaves.”

The barman says, “We don’t serve time travelers in here.”
A time traveler walks into a bar.

The past, present, and future walk into a bar. It was tense.

Charles Dickens walks into a bar and orders a martini. The bartender asks, “Olive or Twist?”

A pair of jumper cables walk into a bar and ask for a drink. The bartender says, “OK, but I don’t want you starting anything in here.”

A guy walks into a bar and finds a horse serving drinks. The horse asks, “What are you staring at? Haven’t you ever seen a horse tending bar before?”
The guy says, “It’s not that. I just never thought the parrot would sell the place.”

A grasshopper hops into a bar. The bartender says, “You’re quite a celebrity around here. We’ve even got a drink named after you.”
The grasshopper says, “You’ve got a drink named Steve?”

So a dog walks into a bar and asks the bartender, “Do you have any jobs?” and the bartender says, “Why don’t you try the circus?” The dog replies, “Why would the circus need a bartender?”

 

[bull958]

A three legged dog hobbles into a bar and sits down. Bar tender comes over and says, "what can I do for you"? The dog says, "I'm looking for the guy that shot my pa".

 

[jackhole]

Duck walks into a bar , says to the Bartender " got any grapes " ?
Bartender says " of course not , this is a bar , now get out of here !

Few minutes later , duck walks into the bar , says to the bartender " got any grapes" ?
Bartender says " please get lost , we do not have any freaking grapes in here"

15 minutes later , duck walk back into the bar , says to the bartender " got any grapes " ?
Bartender says " look , we have no grapes here and the next time you come in here and ask I am go to nail your duck bill to this bar "

Duck leaves ,few minutes later comes back in , says to the bartender " got any nails "
Bartender says " no this is a bar , we have no nails here "

Ducks says " got any grapes "

 

[ctsi]

- Hello! Gordon's pizza?
- No sir it's Google Pizza.


- So it's a wrong number?
- No sir,

- Hello! Gordon's pizza?
- No sir it's Google Pizza.


- So it's a wrong number?
- No sir, Google bought it.


- OK. Take my order please ..
- Well sir, you want the usual?


- The usual? Do you know me?
- According to caller ID, the last 12 times, you ordered pizza with cheese, sausage, thick crust


- OK! That's it
- May I now recommend ricotta, arugula with sun dried tomato?


- No, I hate vegetables
- But your cholesterol is 7.4


- How do you know?
- Through the subscriber's guide. We have your blood tests for the last 7 years


- Okay, but I don't want this pizza, I already take medicine
- You haven't taken the medicine regularly, 4 months ago you only purchased 30 tablets at Drugs Online


- I bought more from another pharmacy
- It's not showing on your credit card


- I paid in cash
- But you did not withdraw that much cash according to your bank statement


- I have another source of cash
- This is not showing on your last Tax form unless you got it from undeclared income source


-BLOODY HELL? Stuff Google, and Facebook, and Twitter, and WhatsApp. I'm off to an Island without the internet.
- I understand sir, but you need to renew your passport; it expired 5 weeks ago.."

 

[ctsi]

Another medical break-through



A couple went to the hospital to have their baby delivered.



Upon their arrival, the doctor said that the hospital was testing an amazing new high-tech machine that would transfer a portion of the mother's labor pain to the baby's father.



He asked if they were interested. Both said they were very much in favor of it.



The doctor set the pain transfer to 10% for starters, explaining that even 10% was probably more pain than the father had ever experienced before.



But as the labor progressed, the husband felt fine and asked the doctor to go ahead and kick it up a notch.



The doctor then adjusted the machine to 20% pain transfer. The husband was still feeling fine. The doctor then checked the husband's blood pressure and was amazed at how well he was doing.



At this point they decided to try for 50%. The husband continued to feel quite well.



Since the pain transfer was obviously helping the wife considerably, the husband encouraged the doctor to transfer ALL the pain to him.



The wife delivered a healthy baby with virtually no pain and the husband continued to experience no pain. She and her husband were ecstatic.



When they got home they found the mailman dead on the porch.

 

[Igor Galanter]

- Hello! Gordon's pizza?
- No sir it's Google Pizza.


- So it's a wrong number?
- No sir,

- Hello! Gordon's pizza?
- No sir it's Google Pizza.


- So it's a wrong number?
- No sir, Google bought it.


- OK. Take my order please ..
- Well sir, you want the usual?


- The usual? Do you know me?
- According to caller ID, the last 12 times, you ordered pizza with cheese, sausage, thick crust


- OK! That's it
- May I now recommend ricotta, arugula with sun dried tomato?


- No, I hate vegetables
- But your cholesterol is 7.4


- How do you know?
- Through the subscriber's guide. We have your blood tests for the last 7 years


- Okay, but I don't want this pizza, I already take medicine
- You haven't taken the medicine regularly, 4 months ago you only purchased 30 tablets at Drugs Online


- I bought more from another pharmacy
- It's not showing on your credit card


- I paid in cash
- But you did not withdraw that much cash according to your bank statement


- I have another source of cash
- This is not showing on your last Tax form unless you got it from undeclared income source


-BLOODY HELL? Stuff Google, and Facebook, and Twitter, and WhatsApp. I'm off to an Island without the internet.
- I understand sir, but you need to renew your passport; it expired 5 weeks ago.."

Google bought it.


- OK. Take my order please ..
- Well sir, you want the usual?


- The usual? Do you know me?
- According to caller ID, the last 12 times, you ordered pizza with cheese, sausage, thick crust


- OK! That's it
- May I now recommend ricotta, arugula with sun dried tomato?


- No, I hate vegetables
- But your cholesterol is 7.4


- How do you know?
- Through the subscriber's guide. We have your blood tests for the last 7 years


- Okay, but I don't want this pizza, I already take medicine
- You haven't taken the medicine regularly, 4 months ago you only purchased 30 tablets at Drugs Online


- I bought more from another pharmacy
- It's not showing on your credit card


- I paid in cash
- But you did not withdraw that much cash according to your bank statement


- I have another source of cash
- This is not showing on your last Tax form unless you got it from undeclared income source


-BLOODY HELL? Stuff Google, and Facebook, and Twitter, and WhatsApp. I'm off to an Island without the internet.
- I understand sir, but you need to renew your passport; it expired 5 weeks ago.."

Ha-ha.. The first one is a killer, eh...

 

[sawgrass]

Just wanted to make sure that you understand one of your key retirement jobs…



Someone asked me, "...And now that you are retired, do you still have a job?"

I replied, "Yes - I am my wife's sexual adviser."

Somewhat shocked, they said "I beg your pardon, but what exactly do you mean by that?"

"Very simple. My wife has told me that when she wants my fawking advice, she'll ask me for it."

 

[ctsi]

Sometimes it does take a rocket scientist!


Chicken Gun



Scientists at NASA built a gun specifically to launch standard 4 pound dead chickens at the windshields of airliners, military jets and the space shuttle, all traveling at maximum velocity. The idea is to simulate the frequent incidents of collisions with airborne fowl to test the strength of the windshields.


British engineers heard about the gun and were eager to test it on the windshields of their new high speed trains.

Arrangements were made, and a gun was sent to the British engineers.


WHEN THE GUN WAS FIRED, THE ENGINEERS STOOD SHOCKED AS THE CHICKEN HURLED OUT OF THE BARREL, CRASHED INTO THE SHATTERPROOF SHIELD, SMASHED IT TO SMITHEREENS, BLASTED THROUGH THE CONTROL CONSOLE, SNAPPED THE ENGINEER'S BACK-REST IN TWO, AND EMBEDDED ITSELF IN THE BACK WALL OF THE CABIN, LIKE AN ARROW SHOT FROM A BOW.

THE HORRIFIED BRITS SENT NASA THE DISASTROUS RESULTS OF THE EXPERIMENT, ALONG WITH THE DESIGNS OF THE WINDSHIELD AND BEGGED THE U’S SCIENTISTS FOR SUGGESTIONS.


NASA RESPONDED WITH A ONE-LINE MEMO:


"DEFROST THE CHICKEN."


TRUE STORY

 

[sawgrass]

Tyrone was having trouble in school. His teacher was always yelling at him, "You're driving me crazy, Tyrone; can't you learn anything?

One day Tyrone's mother came to school to see how he was doing. The teacher told her honestly that her son was simply a disaster, getting very low marks, and that she had never had such an unmotivated and ignorant boy in her entire teaching career. Tyrone's mom, shocked at the feedback, withdrew her son from school and moved out of Detroit, relocating to Cleveland.

25 years later, the teacher was diagnosed with irreversible cardiac disease. Her doctors all strongly advised her to have open heart surgery, which only one surgeon at the Cleveland Clinic could perform.

Left with no other options, the teacher decided to have the operation, which was remarkably successful.

When she opened her eyes after the surgery she saw the handsome young doctor who headed her surgical team smiling down at her. She wanted to thank him, but could not talk. Her face started to turn blue, she raised her hand, trying to tell him something, but quickly died.

The doctor was shocked, wondering what went wrong so suddenly. When the doctor turned around to leave the room, he saw Tyrone, now a janitor at the Clinic, had unplugged the life-support equipment in order to plug in his vacuum cleaner.

If you thought that Tyrone had become a heart-surgeon, there is a high likelihood that you voted for the wrong side.

 

[jackhole]

New Policy for Handling Drivers

When a Driver reaches your terminal , greet him with a friendly smile , assist him from his truck , and get him a cup of coffee. ( If after 11am make it a cold beer ) Have him sign in and put his name at the top of the Board , no matter how many Drivers are ahead of him. ( Do not question him about the lady in the bunk )

IMMEDIATELY KISS HIS ASS ! Direct him to the Driver's Lounge and while he is playing the pinball maching or making a long distance phone call on the companies expense, have someone make out his log book for him.

If a load comes up and he doesn't want it, tell the shipper to stick it up his ass. ( Continue to educate your shippers to ship freight where the Drivers want to go and not where their Customers are located )

If , by some slim chance the Driver agrees to take the load , just follow these simple rules :

1) Fuel up his truck.
2) While he has his coffee have someone sit with him and look interested while he tells lies about all the $8000 dollar loads he has hauled in the last week, the girl's he has charmed the last few trips , and how he told his boss off last week
3) Check his oil and water, clean his windshield and mirrors, sweep out his truck and make up his bunk with fresh linen.
4) Give him any amount of cash advance that he wants , plus 10 per cent
5) Make sure the load he is picking up is not further than 2 blocks away and delivers not more than 2 miles from his house.
6) Take the truck , load it , chain and tarp if necessary and bring it back for inspection. IF he is not satisfied , do it again.

If he's not ready to leave, tell him that's ok, and gently assure him that he may deliver at his convenience. ( IF some nervy SOB shipper calls looking for his load , tell him he will get it when the Driver is damn good and ready )

When the Driver is ready to leave , have 10 loads waiting for him at his destination point to select from. Note: all loads must be going in the direction the Driver wants to go.

Kiss him good-bye , but leave him at the top of the Board in case he decides he does not want this load after all , and returns to the yard.

If he does return ,immediately give him a cash setllement for that load and start all over with step 1.

 

[ctsi]

A group of women were at a seminar on how to live in a loving relationship with their husbands. The women were asked, "How many of you love your husband?"

All the women raised their hands.



Then they were asked, "When was the last time you told your husband you loved him?"
Some women answered today, a few yesterday, and some couldn't remember.
The women were then told to take out their cell phones and text their husband:
"I love you, sweetheart."

Next the women were instructed to exchange phones with another woman and read aloud the text message they received in response to their message.

Below are hilarious 12 replies.

If you have been married for quite a while, you understand that these replies are a sign of true love....who else would reply in such a succinct and honest way?

1. Who the hell is this?

2. Eh, mother of my children, are you sick or what?

3. Yeah, and I love you too. What's wrong?

4. What now? Did you wreck the car again?

5. I don't understand what you mean?

6. What the hell did you do now?

7. Don't beat about the bush, just tell me how much you need?

8. Am I dreaming?

9. If you don't tell me who this message is actually for, someone will die.

10. I thought we agreed you wouldn't drink during the day.

11. Your mother is coming to stay with us, isn't she?

Kinda tugs at the heart, doesn't it?!



The Toothbrush Salesman

The kids filed into class Monday morning. They were all very excited. Their weekend assignment was to sell something, then give a talk on salesmanship.

Little Sally led off. "I sold Girl Scout cookies and I made $30" she said proudly. "My sales approach was to appeal to the customer's civil spirit and I credit that approach for my obvious success."

"Very good", said the teacher.

Little Debbie was next. "I sold magazines" she said. "I made $45 and I explained to everyone that magazines would keep them up on current events."

"Very good, Debbie", said the teacher.

Eventually, it was Little Johnny's turn. The teacher held her breath. Little Johnny walked to the front of the classroom and dumped a box full of cash on the teacher's desk. "$2,467", he said. "$2,467!" cried the teacher, "What in the world were you selling?" "Toothbrushes", said Little Johnny. "Toothbrushes", echoed the teacher. "How could you possibly sell enough tooth brushes to make that much money?"

"I found the busiest corner in town", said Little Johnny. "I set up a Dip & Chip stand and I gave everybody who walked by a free sample." They all said the same thing; "Hey, this tastes like dog poop!" I would say, "It is dog poop. Wanna buy a toothbrush?" "I used the Premier Wynn's method of giving you some crap, dressing it up so it looks good, telling you it's free and then making you pay to get the bad taste out of your mouth."

Little Johnny got five stars for his assignment.

Bless his little heart.



Two women were chatting in the office.

Woman 1: I had a fine evening, how was yours?

Woman 2: It was a disaster. My husband came home, ate his dinner in 3 minutes and fell asleep in 2 minutes. How was yours?

Woman 1: Oh it was amazing! My husband came home and took me out for a romantic dinner. After dinner, we walked for an hour. When we came home, he lit the candles around the house. It was like a fairy tale!

At the same time, their husbands were talking at work.

Husband 1: How was your evening?

Husband 2: Great. I came home; dinner was on the table, I ate and fell asleep. What about you?

Husband 1: It was horrible. I came home; there’s no dinner, they cut the electricity because I forgot to pay the bill; so I took her out for dinner which was so expensive that didn’t have money left for a cab. We walked home which took an hour and when we got home remember there was no electricity, so I had to light candles all over the house!