Friday Joke - August

[AccountsReceivable@DRC]

A teacher is teaching a class and she sees that Johnny isn't paying attention, so she asks him, "If there are three ducks sitting on a fence, and you shoot one, how many are left?" Johnny says, "None." The teacher asks, "Why?" Johnny says, "Because the shot scared them all off." The teacher says, "No, two, but I like how you're thinking." Johnny asks the teacher, "If you see three women walking out of an ice cream parlor, one is licking her ice cream, one is sucking her ice cream, and one is biting her ice cream, which one is married?" The teacher says, "The one sucking her ice cream." Johnny says, "No, the one with the wedding ring, but I like how you're thinking!"

 

[jackhole]

At a Redneck conference on the supernatural, one of the speakers asked, "Who here has ever seen a ghost?"

Most of the hands go up.

"And how many of you have had some form of interaction with a ghost?"

About half the hands stay up.

"Okay, now how many of you have had physical contact with a ghost?"

Three hands stay up; there's a slight murmur in the crowd.

"Gosh, that's pretty good. Okay, have any of you ever, uh..., been intimate with a ghost?"

One hand stays up. The speaker blinks.

"Gosh, sir, are you telling us that you've actually had sexual contact with a ghost?"

The fellow suddenly blushes and says, "Oh, I'm sorry,... I thought you said goat!"

 

[AccountsReceivable@DRC]

It was the first day of school. Harry's mother went into his bedroom and said, "Come on Harry, get up now. You have to go to school today."
"But I don't want to go to school," replied Harry, "I want to stay in bed. Why do I have to go to school"?
"Because," answered his mother, "you're the teacher!"

A boy was at school and his teacher asked him to learn 3 new words over the weekend. His father is a pilot and taught him the word "takeoff." His mother is a zoo keeper and taught him the word "zebra." His big sister was going to have a baby and taught him the word "baby." He went to school the next day and his teacher asked, ''What are your three words?'' The boy said, ''Takeoff zebra baby.''

 

[44000lbs]

Ready for another terrible logistics joke?

Why do they call it dispatch? ...

Cause you are constantly fixing things!
Using dis patch dat patch any patch!