15
Two prostitutes were riding around town with a sign on top of their car which said: Two Prostitutes - $50.00. A policeman, seeing the sign, stopped them, and told them they'd either have to remove the sign or go to jail. At that time, another car passed with a sign saying: "Jesus Saves." One of the prostitutes asked the officer, "How come you don't stop them?" "Well, that's a little different," the officer said. "Their sign pertains to religion." The following day the same police officer noticed the same two hookers driving around with a large sign on their car. He figured he had an easy arrest until he read their new sign: Two Fallen Angels Seeking Peter -- $50.00.
Puns for Educated Minds
1.
The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was
Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.
2.
I thought I saw an eye-doctor on an Alaskan island,
but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian .
3.
She was only a whisky-maker, but he loved her still.
4.
A rubber-band pistol was confiscated from an algebra class, because it was a weapon of math disruption.
5.
No matter how much you push the envelope,
it'll still be stationery.
6.
A dog gave birth to puppies near the road
and was cited forlittering.
7.
A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would
result in Linoleum Blownapart.
8.
Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.
9.
A hole has been found in the nudist-camp wall.
The police are looking into it.
10.
Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
11.
Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
12..
Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said tothe other: 'You stay here; I'll go on a head.'
13.
I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.
14.
A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said:
'Keep off the Grass.'
15.
The midget fortune-teller who escaped from
prison was a small medium at large.
16.
The soldier who survived mustard gas and
pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran..
17.
A backward poet writes inverse.
18..
In a democracy it's your vote that counts.
In feudalism it's yourcount that votes.
19.
When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.
20.
If you jumped off the bridge in Paris , you'd be in Seine .
21.
A vulture carrying two dead raccoons boards an airplane. Thestewardess looks at him and says,
'I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger.'
22.
Two fish swim into a concrete wall.
One turns to the other and says, 'Dam!'
23..
Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft.Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again
that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.
24..
Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, 'I've lost my electron.' Theother says, 'Are you sure?'
The first replies, 'Yes, I'm positive.'
25.
Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain
during a root-canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.
26.
There was the person who sent ten puns to friends, with the hopethat at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.
Puns for Educated Minds
1.
The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was
Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.
2.
I thought I saw an eye-doctor on an Alaskan island,
but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian .
3.
She was only a whisky-maker, but he loved her still.
4.
A rubber-band pistol was confiscated from an algebra class, because it was a weapon of math disruption.
5.
No matter how much you push the envelope,
it'll still be stationery.
6.
A dog gave birth to puppies near the road
and was cited forlittering.
7.
A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would
result in Linoleum Blownapart.
8.
Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.
9.
A hole has been found in the nudist-camp wall.
The police are looking into it.
10.
Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
11.
Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
12..
Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said tothe other: 'You stay here; I'll go on a head.'
13.
I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.
14.
A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said:
'Keep off the Grass.'
15.
The midget fortune-teller who escaped from
prison was a small medium at large.
16.
The soldier who survived mustard gas and
pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran..
17.
A backward poet writes inverse.
18..
In a democracy it's your vote that counts.
In feudalism it's yourcount that votes.
19.
When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.
20.
If you jumped off the bridge in Paris , you'd be in Seine .
21.
A vulture carrying two dead raccoons boards an airplane. Thestewardess looks at him and says,
'I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger.'
22.
Two fish swim into a concrete wall.
One turns to the other and says, 'Dam!'
23..
Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft.Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again
that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.
24..
Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, 'I've lost my electron.' Theother says, 'Are you sure?'
The first replies, 'Yes, I'm positive.'
25.
Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain
during a root-canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.
26.
There was the person who sent ten puns to friends, with the hopethat at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.
