Friday Joke

[AccountsReceivable@DRC]

The manager of a megastore came to check on his new salesman.
"How many customers did you serve today?" the manager asked.
"One," replied the new guy.
"Only one?" said the boss. "How much was the sale?"
The salesman answered, "$58,334."
Flabbergasted, the manager asked him to explain.
"First I sold a man a fishhook," the salesman said. "Then I sold him a rod and a reel. Then I asked where he was planning to fish, and he said down by the coast. So I suggested he'd need a boat - he bought that 20-foot runabout. When he said his Volkswagen might not be able to pull it, I took him to the automotive department and sold him a big SUV."
The amazed boss asked, "You sold all that to a guy who came in for a fishhook?"

"No," the new salesman replied. "He actually came in for a bottle of aspirin for his wife's migraine. I told him, "Your weekend's shot. You should probably go fishing."


An executive had to get rid of one member of his staff. He couldn't decide between Mary and Jack: both had equal seniority and qualifications. Unable to choose, he finally decided that whoever used the water fountain first would be let go.
The next morning, Mary came with a hangover. She went to the water fountain so she could take some aspirin.
The executive approached her: "Mary, this is difficult, but I have to lay you or Jack off."

Mary replied, "Then you'll have to jack off. I have a hell of a headache."

 

[lowmiler88]

A fifteen year old Amish boy and his father were

in a mall. They were amazed by almost

everything they saw, but especially by two

shiny, silver walls that could move

apart and then slide back together

again.

The boy asked, 'What is this Father. The

father (never having seen an elevator)

responded, 'Son, I have never seen anything

like this in my life, I don't know what it

is.'




While the boy and his father were watching with

amazement, a fat old lady in a wheel

chair moved up to the moving walls and pressed

a button. The walls opened, and the

lady rolled between them into a small

room. The walls closed and the boy and his

father watched the small numbers above the

walls light up sequentially.


They continued to watch until it reached the last

number… and then the numbers began to light

in the reverse order.

Finally the walls opened up again and a gorgeous

24-year-old blond stepped out.

The father, not taking his eyes off the young woman,

said quietly to his son.....


'Go get your Mother'

 

[MikeJr]

Someone's got to post one.... Here goes (yes this is 100% plagiarized):

"I finally got around to going fishing this morning but after a while I ran out of worms.

Then I saw a cottonmouth snake with a frog in his mouth, and frogs are good bass bait. Knowing the snake couldn't bite me with the frog in his mouth, I grabbed him right behind the head, took the frog and put it in my bait bucket.
Now the dilemma was how to release the snake without getting bit. I grabbed my bottle of Jack Daniels and poured a little whiskey in its mouth. His eyes rolled back, he went limp, I released him into the lake without incident, and carried on my fishing with the frog.

A little later, I felt a nudge on my foot. There was that same snake, with two frogs in his mouth."

Happy Friday,

Mike

 

[Upforit]

Here's another one...

A father put his 3 year old daughter to bed, told her a story and listened to her prayers which ended by saying:

'God bless Mommy,
God bless Daddy,
God bless Grandma and goodbye Grandpa.'

The father asked, 'Why did you say goodbye Grandpa?'

The little girl said, 'I don't know daddy, it just seemed like the thing to do...' The next day grandpa died. The father thought it was a strange coincidence ...

A few months later the father put the girl to bed and listened to her prayers which went like this:

'God bless Mommy,
God Bless Daddy and goodbye Grandma.'

The next day the grandmother died. 'Holy shit, thought the father, this kid is in contact with the other side.

Several weeks later when the girl was going to bed the dad heard her say:
'God bless Mommy and goodbye Daddy.'

He practically went into shock. He couldn't sleep all night and got up at the crack of dawn to go to his office. He was nervous as a cat all day, had lunch and watched the clock. He figured if he could get by until midnight he would be okay. He felt safe in the office, so instead of going home at the end of the day he stayed there, drinking coffee, looking at his watch and jumping at every sound.

Finally, midnight arrived, he breathed a sigh of relief and went home. When he got home his wife said 'I've never seen you work so late, what's the matter?'

He said 'I don't want to talk about it, I've just spent the worst day of my life.'

She said, 'You think you had a bad day, you'll never believe what happened to me. This morning my golf pro dropped dead in the middle of my lesson!'