Friday Joke

AccountsReceivable@DRC

AccountsReceivable@DRC

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Mar 25, 2008
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Three men were playing golf. The course was a wicked dogleg with a large water hazard.

The first man stepped up to the tee and hit a sharp slice into the water hazard. He walked up to the water - it parted - and he lofted his ball within one foot of the hole.

The next man stepped up and hit the ball. Sure enough, he sliced it so that it landed on top of the water. He walked across the surface of the water and hit the ball within six inches of the hole.

The third man stepped up, hit the ball, and sliced it. The ball was just about to land in the water when a trout jumped out of the water and grabbed it in his mouth. An eagle swooped down, scooped up the fish, and flew off. As the eagle banked over the green, lightning struck it, it dropped the fish, the fish dropped the ball, and it landed in the hole for a hole in one.

At that moment - Moses turned to Jesus and said, "I really hate playing golf with your Dad."
 
A man was walking along a California beach and stumbled across an old lamp. He picked it up and rubbed it and out popped a genie.

The genie said "OK, OK. You released me from the lamp... blah, blah, blah... This is the fourth time this month and I'm getting a little sick of these wishes so you can forget about three. You only get one wish!"

The man sat and thought about it for a while and said, "I've always wanted to go to Hawaii but I'm scared to fly and I get very seasick. Could you build me a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive over there to visit?"

The genie laughed and said, "That's impossible! Think of the logistics of that. How would the supports ever reach the bottom of the Pacific?

Think of how much concrete... how much steel!! No. Think of another wish."

The man said OK and tried to think of a really good wish. Finally, he said, "I've been married and divorced four times. My wives always said that I don't care and that I'm insensitive. So, I wish that I could understand women...know how they feel inside and what they're thinking when they give me the silent treatment... to know why they're crying, to know what they really want when they say 'nothing' ... to know how to make them truly happy."

The genie said, "You want that bridge two lanes or four?"
 
I dedicate this Friday joke to DWC...

A priest decides one day to visit one of his elderly parishioners, Mrs. Smith. He rings the door bell and Mrs. Smith appears. "Good day, Mrs. Smith. I just thought I would drop by and see how you are doing."
"Oh just fine Father, come on in, and we'll have some tea."
While sitting at the coffee table, the priest notices a bowl of almonds on the table. "Mind if I have one?" the priest says.
"Not at all, have as many as you like."
After a few hours, the priest looked at his watch and alarmed at how long he had been visiting, says to Mrs. Smith, "Oh my goodness, look at the time. I must be going. Oh, but dear me, I have eaten all your almonds. I'll have to replace them the next time I visit."
Mrs. Smith replied, "Oh don't bother Father. Ever since I lost all my teeth, it's all I can do just to lick the chocolate off them."
 
A businessman was in a great deal of financial trouble. His business was failing, he had put everything into it, he owed everybody money. He was even contemplating suicide. As a last resort he went to a priest and poured out his story of tears and woe.

When he had finished - the priest said "Here's what I want you to do. Put a beach chair and your Bible in your car and drive down to the beach. Take the chair and the Bible to the water's edge, sit down and put the Bible in your lap. Open the Bible - the wind will rifle the pages - but will eventually come to rest on a particular page. Look down at the page and read the first thing you see. That will be your answer, that will tell you what to do."

A year later the businessman went back to the priest and brought his wife and children with him. The man was in a new custom-tailored suit, his wife in a mink coat, the children shining. The businessman pulled an envelope stuffed with money out of his pocket and gave it to the priest.

The priest recognized the man and was curious. "You did as I suggested?" he asked.

"Absolutely," replied the man.

"You went to the beach?"

"Absolutely."

"You sat in a chair with the Bible in your lap?"

"Absolutely."

"You let the pages rifle until they stopped?"

"Absolutely."

"And what were the first words you saw?"

"Chapter 11."
 
ok...I know that Chapter 11 is the punch line....just not sure what it means. We don't have it in UK
 
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