Friday Joke - October

[AccountsReceivable@DRC]

Happy Thanksgiving Everyone - enjoy your long weekend!

A horse and a chicken are playing in a meadow. The horse falls into a mud hole and is sinking. He calls to the chicken to go and get the farmer to help pull him out to safety. The chicken runs to the farm but the farmer can't be found. So he drives the farmer's Mercedes back to the mud hole and ties some rope around the bumper. He then throws the other end of the rope to his friend, the horse, and drives the car forward saving him from sinking and imminent death.
A few days later, the chicken and horse were playing in the meadow again and the chicken fell into the mud hole. The chicken yelled to the horse to go and get some help from the farmer. The horse said, "I think I can stand over the hole!" So he stretched over the width of the hole and said, "Grab my "manhood" and pull yourself up." And the chicken did and pulled himself to safety....

The moral of the story:
If you are hung like a horse - you don't need a Mercedes to pick up chicks.

 

[lowmiler88]

The Divorced Barbie Doll


One day a father gets out of work and on his way home he suddenly remembers that it's his daughter's birthday.
He pulls over to a Toy Shop and asks the sales person, 'How much for one of those Barbie's in the display window?'
The salesperson answers, 'Which one do you mean, Sir? We have: Work Out Barbie for $19.95, Shopping Barbie for $19.95, Beach Barbie for $19.95, Disco Barbie for $19.95, Ballerina Barbie for $19.95, Astronaut Barbie for $19.95, Skater Barbie for $19.95, and Divorced Barbie for $265.95'.

The amazed father asks: 'It's what?! Why is the Divorced Barbie $265.95 and the others only $19.95?'

The annoyed salesperson rolls her eyes, sighs, and answers: 'Sir..., Divorced Barbie comes with: Ken's Car, Ken's House, Ken's Boat, Ken's Furniture, Ken's Computer, one of Ken's Friends, and a key chain made with Ken's balls.

 

[AccountsReceivable@DRC]

Friday Joke

A cabbie picks up a nun. She gets into the cab, and the cab driver won't stop staring at her. She asks him why is he staring and he replies, "I have a question to ask you but I don't want to offend you."
She answers, "My dear son, you cannot offend me. When you're as old as I am and have been a nun a long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything. I'm sure that there's nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive."

"Well...I've always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me deeply...."
She responds, "Well, let's see if you qualify. #1, you have to be single and #2 you must be Catholic."
The cab driver is very excited and says, "Yes, I am single and I'm Catholic too!"
The nun says "OK..pull into the next alley then...."

He does and the nun fulfills his fantasy. But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying. "My dear child, said the nun, why are you crying?" "Forgive me sister, but I have sinned. I lied...I must confess...I'm married and I'm Jewish..."

The nun says, "That's OK...don't be so upset...my name is Kevin and I'm on my way to a costume party."

 

[AccountsReceivable@DRC]

A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands. On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin." "What??? "said the puzzled groom. "How can that be if you've been married ten times?"

"Well...."

Husband #1 was a sales representative; he kept telling me how great it was going to be.
Husband #2 was in software services - he was never really sure how it was supposed to function but he said he'd look into it and get back to me.
Husband #3 was from field services - he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up.
Husband #4 was in telemarketing - even though he knew he had the order - he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.
Husband #5 was an engineer - he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.
Husband #6 was in finance and administration - he thought he knew how but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.
Husband #7 was in marketing - although he had a nice product he was never sure how to position it.
Husband #8 was a psychologist - all he ever did was talk about it.
Husband #9 was a gynecologist - all he did was look at it.
Husband #10 was a stamp collector - all he ever did was..Oohh...God I miss him!

"But now that I've married you sweetie - I'm really excited!" "Good," said the new husband..."but, why?"

"You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm gonna get screwed!"

 

[warex187]

One evening I was sitting with my mother as we were discussing about life... Among different subjects, we talked about death. To wthat I told her “Mom, do never let me in a vegetative state where my survival depends on machines. If you see me in that state, unplug the machines that keep me alive’’ I rather die.
Looking at me with admiration, my mom got up and unplugged:
The TV
The DVD
The Internet Cable
The Computer
The Stereo system
The Playstation 3
The PSP
The Wii
The phone line
She as well took my cell phone, my IPod and my Blackberry.
I ALMOST DIED !!!!!!!!!