Friday Joke - December

[lowmiler88]

First Christmas Joke
Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates.

'In honor of this holy season' Saint Peter said, 'You must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven.'

The Englishman fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on. 'It's a candle', he said.

'You may pass through the pearly gates' Saint Peter said.

The Scotsman reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He shook them and said, 'They're bells.'

Saint Peter said 'You may pass through the pearly gates'.

The Irishman started searching desperately through his pockets and finally pulled out a pair of women's panties.

St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, 'And just what do those symbolize?'


The paddy replied, 'These are Carols.'

And So The Christmas Season
Begins......

 

[bubba-one]

Cooter and Gomer.

Stanley died in a fire and his body was burned pretty badly. The morgue needed someone to identify the body, so they sent for his two best deer hunting friends, Cooter and Gomer.
The three men had always hunted and fished together and were long time members of a hunt camp.

Cooter arrived first, and when the mortician pulled back the sheet, Cooter said, 'Yup, his face is burned up pretty bad.You better roll him over.' The mortician rolled him over and Cooter said, 'Nope, ain't Stanley '. The mortician thought this was rather strange, So he brought Gomer in to confirm the identity of the body. Gomer looked at the body and said, 'Yup, he's pretty well burnt up, Roll him over..' The mortician rolled him over and Gomer said, 'No, it ain't Stanley '.


The mortician asked, 'How can you tell?' Gomer said, 'Well, Stanley had two assholes.' 'What! He had two assholes?' asked the mortician. 'Yup, we never seen'em, but everybody used to say: 'There's Stanley with them two assholes.'

 

[Wylee]

Surgery

[/B]Sex After Surgery> A surgeon went to check on his patient after an operation.
"You'll be fine," he said.
She asked ...
"How long will it be before I am able to have a normal sex life again doctor?"
The surgeon seemed to pause, and a small tear ran down his cheek from the corner of his eye, which alarmed the girl.
"What's the matter Doctor? I will be all right, won't I?"
He replied ...
"Yes, you'll be fine. It's just that no one has ever asked me that after having their tonsils out."