Friday Joke - January

[sawgrass]

ARRIVING IN HEAVEN:
A newly arriving soul is facing St. Peter trying to explain the circumstances of his recent demise on earth. He recalls that his last day was not a good one. "I came home early and found my wife lying naked in bed. She claimed she had just gotten out of the shower. Well, her hair was dry and I checked the shower and it was completely dry too. I knew she was into some hanky-panky and I began to look for her lover.
"I went onto the balcony of our ninth floor apartment and found the SOB clinging to the rail by his fingertips. I was so angry that I began bashing his fingers with a flower pot. He let go and fell, but his fall was broken by some awnings and bushes. On seeing that he was still alive I found super human strength to drag our antique cedar chest to the balcony and throw it over. It hit the man and killed him. At this point the stress got to me and I suffered a massive heart attack and died."
St. Peter thanked him and sent him to the waiting room while he could determine his fate.
The second arrival said that his last day was his worst. "I was on the roof of an apartment building working on the AC equipment. I stumbled over my tools and toppled off the building. I managed to grab onto the balcony rail of a ninth floor apartment but some idiot came rushing out on the balcony and bashed my hands with a flower pot. I fell but hit some awnings and bushes and survived, but as I looked up I saw a huge chest falling toward me. I tried to crawl out of the way but failed and was hit and killed by the chest."
St. Peter empathized with his misfortune and directed him into the waiting room before passing on his admission into Heaven.
When the third new arrival of the day enters, St. Peter apologizes for the delay and says, "I doubt that your last day was as interesting as the two fellows that arrived here just before you."
"I don't know," replies the man. "Picture this, I'm buck naked hiding in this cedar chest..."

 

[AccountsReceivable@DRC]

A tough looking group of hairy bikers are riding when they see a girl about to jump off a bridge, so they stop. The leader, a big burly man, gets off his bike and says, "What are you doing?" "I'm going to commit suicide," she says. While he doesn’t want to appear insensitive, he also doesn’t want to miss an opportunity, so he asks, "Well, before you jump, why don't you give me a kiss?" She does, and it is a long, deep, lingering kiss. After she's finished, the tough, hairy biker says, "Wow! That was the best kiss I’ve ever had! That's a real talent you’re wasting. You could be famous. Why are you committing suicide?" "My parents can't accept that I'm a cross dresser".

A lady goes to the doctor and complains that her husband is losing interest in sex. The doctor gives her a pill, but warns her that it's still experimental. He tells her to slip it into his mashed potatoes at dinner, so that night, she does just that. About a week later, she’s back at the doctor, where she says, "Doc, the pill worked great! I put it in the potatoes like you said! It wasn't five minutes later that he jumped up, raked all the food and dishes onto the floor, grabbed me, ripped all my clothes off, and ravaged me right there on the table!" The doctor says, "I’m sorry, we didn’t realize the pill was that strong! The foundation will be glad to pay for any damages." "Nah," she says, "that's okay. We're never going back to that restaurant anyway."

 

[AccountsReceivable@DRC]

Ralph is driving home one evening, when he suddenly realizes that it's his daughter's birthday and he hasn't bought her a present. He drives to the mall, runs to the toy store, and says to the shop assistant, "How much is that Barbie in the window?" In a condescending manner, she says, "Which Barbie?" She continues, "We have Barbie Goes to the Gym for $19.95, Barbie Goes to the Ball for $19.95, Barbie Goes Shopping for $19.95, Barbie Goes to the Beach for $19.95, Barbie Goes Nightclubbing for $19.95, and Divorced Barbie for $265.00." Ralph asks, "Why is the Divorced Barbie $265.00 when all the others are only $19.95?" "That's obvious," the saleslady says. "Divorced Barbie comes with Ken's house, Ken's car, Ken's boat, Ken's furniture..."

While outside enjoying a summer hot day - a husband says to his wife, "your gaining weight honey....your butt is getting big. Looking at it now - it's bigger than the BBQ grill!" The wife gave her husband a "look" with no reply....Later that night in bed, the husband makes some advances towards his wife who completely brushes him off. "What's wrong?" he asks. She replied, "do you really think I'm going to fire up this big-ass grill for one little weenie?"

 

[lowmiler88]

An Oldy Goldy






Did You Know This About Leather Dresses??




Do you know that when a woman wears



a leather dress,



a man's heart beats quicker,



his throat gets dry,



he gets weak in the knees,



and he thinks irrationally?



Ever wonder why?














It's because she smells







like a







N e w T r u c k

 

[bull958]

A man walks out to the street and catches a taxi just going by. He gets into the taxi, and the cabbie says, "Perfect timing. You're just like Frank."
Passenger: "Who?"
Cabbie: "Frank Feldman. He's a guy who did everything right all the time. Like my coming along when you needed a cab, things happened like that to Frank Feldman every single time."
Passenger: "There are always a few clouds over everybody."
Cabbie: "Not Frank Feldman. He was a terrific athlete. He could have won the Grand Slam at tennis. He could golf with the pros. He sang like an opera baritone and danced like a Broadway star and you should have heard him play the piano. He was an amazing guy."
Passenger: "Sounds like he was something really special."
Cabbie: "There's more... He had a memory like a computer. He remembered everybody's birthday. He knew all about wine, which foods to order and which fork to eat them with. He could fix anything. Not like me. I change a fuse, and the whole street blacks out. But Frank Feldman, he could do everything right."
Passenger: "Wow, some guy then."
Cabbie: "He always knew the quickest way to go in traffic and avoid traffic jams. Not like me, I always seem to get stuck in them. But Frank, he never made a mistake, and he really knew how to treat a woman and make her feel good. He would never answer her back even if she was in the wrong; and his clothing was always immaculate, shoes highly polished too. He was the perfect man! He never made a mistake. No one could ever measure up to Frank Feldman."
Passenger: "An amazing fellow. How did you meet him?"
Cabbie: "Well, I never actually met Frank, he died . . . I'm married to his #!%$** widow."

 

[sawgrass]

Paraprosdokians
Paraprosdokians – Winston Churchill loved them. They’re figures of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected; frequently humorous.
1. Where there’s a will, I want to be in it.
2. The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it’s still on my list.
3. Since light travels faster than sound, some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
4. If I agreed with you, we’d both be wrong.
5. We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
6. War does not determine who is right – only who is left.
7. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
8. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
9. I didn’t say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
10. In filling out an application, where it says, ‘In case of emergency, Notify:’ I put ‘DOCTOR’.
11. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
12. You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
13. I used to be indecisive. Now I’m not so sure..
14. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.
15. Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.


Irish Logic
THE EXPLANATION
The mother-in-law arrives home from shopping to find her son-in-law Paddy in a steaming rage and hurriedly packing his suitcase.
"What happened Paddy?" she asks anxiously.
"What happened!! I'll tell you what happened. I sent an E-mail to my wife(your daughter) telling her I was coming home today from my fishing trip. I get home... and guess what I found? Yes, your daughter, my wife Patricia, naked with Joe Murphy in our marital bed! This is unforgivable, the end of our marriage. I'm done. I'm leaving forever"
"Ah now, calm down, calm down Paddy" says his mother-in-law. "There is something very odd going on here. My daughter would never do such a thing! There must be a simple explanation. I'll go speak to her immediately and find out what happened."
Moments later, the mother-in-law comes back with a big smile. "Paddy.
I told you there must be a simple explanation ....She never got your E-mail."
16. You’re never too old to learn something stupid.
17. I’m supposed to respect my elders, but it’s getting harder and harder for me to find one now.

 

[lowmiler88]

Sign over a Gynecologist's Office:

"Dr. Jones, at your cervix."


**********

In a Podiatrist's office:

"Time wounds all heels."


************

On a Septic Tank Truck:

Yesterday's Meals on Wheels


**************************


At an Optometrist's Office:

"If you don't see what you're looking for,you've come to the right place."



**************************

On a Plumber's truck:

"We repair what your husband fixed."


**************************

On another Plumber's truck:

"Don't sleep with a drip. Call your plumber."


**************************

At a Tire Shop in Milwaukee :

"Invite us to your next blowout."

**************************


On an Electrician's truck:

"Let us remove your shorts."


**************************

In a Non-smoking Area:

"If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action."


**************************

On aMaternity Room door:

"Push. Push. Push."


**************************

At a Car Dealership:

"The best way to get back on your feet - miss a car payment."


**************************

Outside a Muffler Shop:

"No appointment necessary. We hear you coming."


**************************

In a Veterinarian's waiting room:

"Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!"


**************************

At the Electric Company

"We would be delighted if you send in your payment.

However, if you don't, you will be."


**************************

In a Restaurant window:

"Don't stand there and be hungry;come on in and get fed up."



**************************

In the front yard of a Funeral Home:

"Drive carefully. We'll wait."


**************************

At a Propane Filling Station:

"Thank heaven for little grills."


**************************

And don't forget the sign at a

CHICAGO RADIATOR SHOP:

"Best place in town to take a leak."


**************************

And the best one for last............

Sign on the back of another Septic Tank Truck:

"Caution - This Truck is full of Political Promises"

 

[sawgrass]

> Bob, a middle-aged Canadian tourist on his first time in Lincoln, Nebraska, locates the red light district and enters a large brothel.
> The madam asks him to be seated and sends over a young lady to entertain the client. They sit and talk, frolic a little, giggle a bit, drink a bit, and she sits on his lap. He whispers in her ear and she gasps and runs away!
>
> Seeing this, the madam sends over a more experienced lady to entertain the gentleman. They sit and talk, frolic a little, giggle a bit, drink a bit, and she sits on his lap. He whispers in her ear and she screams, No!" and walks quickly away!
>
> The madam is surprised that this ordinary looking man has asked for something so outrageous that her two girls will have nothing to do with it.
>
> She decides that only her most experienced lady, Lola, will do. Lola looks a bit tired, but she has never said no and it doesn't seem likely that anything would surprise her. So the madam sends her over to Bob.
>
> They sit and talk, frolic a little, giggle a bit, drink a bit, and she sits on his lap. He whispers in her ear and she screams, "NO WAY, BUDDY!" smacks him as hard as she can and literally runs away!
>
> Madam is by now absolutely intrigued, having seen nothing like this in all her years of operating a brothel. She hasn't done the bedroom work herself for a long time, but she did it for many years before she got into management. She's sure she has said yes at one time or another to everything a man could possibly ask for. The challenge is irresistible.
>
> She just has to find out what this man has wanted that has made her girls so angry. And she sees a chance she can't pass up to show off to her employees how good she was at what they do.
>
> So she goes over to Bob and says that she's the best in the house and she is available. She sits and talks with him. They frolic a bit, giggle a bit, and drink a little, and she sits in his lap. And Bob leans forward and whispers in her ear, "Can I pay in Canadian dollars?"

 

[AccountsReceivable@DRC]

A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. ''But why?'' they asked, as they moved off. ''because,'' he said ''I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer.''

A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named 'Amal.' The other goes to a family in Spain, they name him Juan'. Years later; Juan sends a picture of himself to his mum. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal. Her husband responds, ''But they are twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal.''

 

[lowmiler88]

These three old grannies and their dogs were sitting on a park bench having a quiet conversation when a flasher approached from across the park.

The flasher came up to the ladies,stood right in front of them,and opened his trench coat.

Gertrude immediately had a stroke.

Then Maude also had a stroke.

But Tillie, being older and more feeble,couldn't reach that far…..

 

[Michael Ludwig]

HOW THE INTERNET STARTED

In ancient Israel, it came to pass that a trader by the name of Abraham Com did take unto himself a healthy young wife by the name of Dorothy, who went by the name of Dot. And Dot Com was a comely woman, large of breast, broad of shoulder and long of leg. Indeed, she was often called, slangly, Amazon Dot Com.

And she said unto Abraham, her husband, "Why dost thou travel so far from town to town with thy goods when thou canst trade without ever leaving thy tent?"

And Abraham did look at her as though she were several saddle bags short of a full camel load, but simply said, "How, dear?"

And Dot replied, "I will place drums in all the towns and drums in between to send messages saying what you have for sale, and they will reply telling you who hath the best price. The sale can be made on the drums and delivery made by Uriah's Pony Stable (UPS)."

Abraham thought long and decided he would let Dot have her way with the drums. And the drums rang out and were an immediate success. Abraham sold all the goods he had at the top price, without ever having to move from his tent.

To prevent neighboring countries from overhearing what the drums were saying, Dot devised a system that only she and the drummers knew. It was known as Must Send Drum Over Sound (MSDOS), and she also developed a language to transmit ideas and pictures - Hebrew to The People (HTTP).

And the young men did take to Dot Com's trading as doth the greedy horsefly take to camel dung. They were called Nomadic Ecclesiastical Rich Dominican Sybarites, or NERDS. And lo, the land was so feverish with joy at the new riches and the deafening sound of drums that no one noticed that the real riches were going to that enterprising drum dealer, Brother William of Gates, who bought off every drum maker in the land. Indeed he did insist on drums to be made that would work only with Brother Gates' drumheads and drumsticks.

And Dot did say, "Oh, Abraham, what we have started is being taken over by others." And Abraham looked out over the Bay of Ezekiel, or eBay as it came to be known. He said, "We need a name that reflects what we are."

And Dot replied, "Young Ambitious Hebrew Owner Operators." "YAHOO," said Abraham. And because it was Dot's idea, they named it YAHOO Dot Com.

Abraham's cousin, Joshua, being the young Gregarious Energetic Educated Kid (GEEK) that he was, soon started using Dot's drums to locate things around the countryside.

It soon became known as God's Own Official Guide to Locating Everything (GOOGLE).

That is how it all began. And that's the truth.

You cannot make up this stuff.

 

[jackhole]

Two Nuns , Sister Marilyn and Sister Helen were travelling through Europe in their car. They get to Transylvania and are stopped at a traffic light when suddenly a diminutive Dracula jumps onto the hood of their car and hisses through the windshield.
"Quick , quick " shouts Sister Marilyn. "What shall we do ? "
" Turn the windshield wipers on , that will get rid of the abomination" says Sister Helen.
Sister Marilyn switches them on , knocking Dracula about, but he clings on and continues hissing at the Nun's.
"What shall I do now ? " She shouts.
"Switch on the windshield washer fluid, I filled it up with Holy Water in the Vatican" says Sister Helen.
Sister Marilyn turns on the washer fluid and Dracula screams as the water burns his skin , but he clings on and continues to hiss at the Nuns.
"Now what ? " say's Sister Marilyn.
"Show him your cross" says Sister Helen
"Now you're talking" says Sister Marilyn as she opens the window and shouts " Get the fuck off off our car"

 

[sawgrass]

Excerpted from an
article which appeared in The Dublin Times about

a bank robbery on March 2.

Once inside the bank shortly after midnight,

their efforts at disabling the security system

got underway immediately.

The robbers, who expected to find one or
two large safes filled with cash &valuables,
were surprised to see hundreds of smaller

safes throughout the bank.

The robbers cracked the first safe's

combination, and inside they found only a
small bowl of vanilla pudding.

As recorded on the bank's audio tape system, one robber said, 'At least we'll have a bite to

eat.'

The robbers opened up a second safe,

and it also contained nothing but vanilla

pudding. The process continued until
all safes were opened.

They did not find one pound sterling,

a diamond, or an ounce of gold. Instead,
all the safes contained covered little
bowls of pudding.

Disappointed, the robbers made a quiet exit, each leaving with nothing more than a
queasy, uncomfortably full stomach. The newspaper headline read:

'IRELAND'S LARGEST SPERM BANK
ROBBED EARLY THIS MORNING'....



Regardless of our political bias, this image conjures up a bit of a chuckle.


Ontario Premier Kathleen Wynne and her driver were cruising home along a
country road, in Southern Ontario one evening when an ancient cow loomed in
front of the car. The driver tried to avoid it , but couldn't. The aged cow
was struck and killed. Premier Wynne told her driver to go up to the
farmhouse and explain to the owners what had happened and pay them for the
cow. She stayed in the car making phone calls.
About an hour later the driver staggered back to the car with his clothes in
disarray. He was holding a half-empty bottle of expensive wine in one hand,
a huge Cuban cigar in the other, and was smiling happily, smeared with
lipstick.
"What happened to you?," asked Kathleen .
"Well," the driver replied, "the farmer gave me the cigar, his wife gave me
the wine, and their beautiful twin daughters made passionate love to me."
"What did you tell them?" asked Premier Wynne.
The driver replied, "I just stepped inside the door and said, 'I'm Ontario
Premier Kathleen Wynne's driver and I've just killed the old cow.' The rest
happened so fast I couldn't stop it."

 

[jackhole]

The best Norm Peterson quotes from "Cheers"

1. "What's shaking Norm ? "
" 4 cheeks , 2 chins and a bellie"

2. "What's new Normie? "
"Terrorist at 6am. They've taken over my stomach and they are demanding beer."

3. "What'll you have Normie? "
"We'll, I'am in a gambling mood Sammy. I will take a glass of whatever comes out of that tap."
"Looks like beer Normie."
"Call me Mister Lucky"

4. "Hey , Mr Peterson , there's a cold one waiting for you ."
"I know , if she calls, I am not here."

5. "Watcha up to you Norm ?"
"My ideal weight if I was eleven feet tall."

6. " Can I pour you a beer Mr Peterson ?"
"A little early isn't it Woody ?"
"For a beer ? "
"No , for stupid questions."

7. "How's it going Mr Peterson? "
"It's a dog eat dog world and I am wearing milk bone underwear."

 

[ctsi]

A wife asks her husband, "Could you please go shopping for me and

Buy a carton of milk and if they have avocados, get 6.


A short time later the husband comes back with 6 cartons of milk.


The wife asks him, "Why did you buy 6 cartons of milk?"


He replied, "They had avocados."


If you're a woman, I'm sure you're going back to read it again. Men will get it the first time.




In a convent in Ireland, the 99-year-old Mother Superior lay quietly. She was dying. The Nuns had gathered around her bed, laying garlands around her and trying to make her last journey comfortable.

They wanted to give her warm milk to drink but she declined. One of the nuns took the glass back to the kitchen.


Then, remembering a bottle of Irish Whiskey that had been received as a gift the previous Christmas, she opened it and poured a generous amount into the warm milk.


Back at Mother Superior's bed, they lifted her head gently and held the glass to her lips. The very frail Nun drank a little, then a little more and before they knew it, she had finished the whole glass down to the last drop.

As her eyes brightened, the nuns thought it would be a good opportunity to have one last talk with their spiritual leader..


"Mother," the nuns asked earnestly, "Please give us some of your wisdom before you leave us"

She raised herself up very slowly in the bed on one elbow, looked at them and said:“
Whatever you do, DON'T SELL THAT COW."



Professor Higgins at the University of Sydney was giving a lecture on 'Involuntary Muscle Contraction' to the first year medical students. This was not an exciting subject and the professor decided to lighten up the mood.


He pointed to a young woman in the front row and asked, 'Do you know what your asshole is doing while you're having an orgasm?'

She replied, 'Probably golfing with his buddies.’


It took 45 minutes to restore order in the classroom.

 

[AccountsReceivable@DRC]

A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his customer. ‘This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it you.’ The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, ‘Which do you want, son?’ The boy takes the quarters and leaves. ‘What did I tell you?’ said the barber. ‘That kid never learns!’ Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream store. ‘Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?’ The boy licked his cone and replied, ‘Because the day I take the dollar, the game is over!’

A guy is sitting at home when he hears a knock at the door. He opens the door and sees a snail on the porch. He picks up the snail and throws it as far as he can. Three years later there’s a knock on the door. He opens it and sees the same snail. The snail says: ‘What the hell was that all about?’

 

[Michael Ludwig]

TOO FUNNY NOT TO PASS ON!!
How Do Court Reporters Keep Straight Faces?
These are from a book called Disorder in the Courts and are things people actually said i...n court, word for word, taken down and published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while the exchanges were taking place....
ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?'
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!
_______________________________
ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?
WITNESS: July 18th.
ATTORNEY: What year?
WITNESS: Every year.
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?
WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?
WITNESS: Forty-five years.
_________________________________
ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget.
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
___________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
____________________________________
ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: He's 20, much like your IQ.
___________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you shitting me?
_________________________________________
ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Getting laid
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Take a guess.
___________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male.
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.
_________________________________________
ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral...
_________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?
______________________________________
And last:
ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

 

[Igor Galanter]

A husband working on a crossword in a family room and reads out loud:
" The name of the first man, four letters ?"
His wife preparing food at the kitchen:
" John ".....

 

[Shakey]

 

[bull958]

THIS IS VERY SERIOUS AND WARRANTS YOUR ATTENTION!!


Women often receive warnings about protecting themselves at the mall and in dark parking lots, etc. This is the first warning I have seen for men. I wanted to pass it on in case you haven't heard about it. A 'heads up' for those men who maybe regular customers at Lowe's, Home Depot, Costco, Publix, B.J.'s, or even Wal-Mart.


This one caught me totally by surprise. Over the last month I became a victim of a clever scam while out shopping.

Simply going out to get supplies has turned out to be quite traumatic. Don't be naïve enough to think it couldn't happen to you or your friends.


Here's how the scam works;

Two nice looking, college-age girls will come over to your car or truck as you are packing your purchases into your vehicle. They both start wiping your windshield with a rag and Windex, with their breasts almost falling out of their skimpy T-shirts. (It's impossible not to look). When you thank them and offer them a tip, they say 'No' but instead ask for a ride to McDonald's. You agree and they climb into the vehicle.

On the way, they start undressing. Then one of them starts crawling all over you, while the other one steals your wallet.


I had my wallet stolen Aug. 4th, 9th, 10th, twice on the 15th, again on the 17th, 20th, 24th, and the 29th. Also Sept. 1st, 4th, 8th, twice on the 16th & 17th, and very likely again this upcoming weekend.


So tell your friends to be careful. What a horrible way to take advantage of us older men. Warn your friends to be vigilant. FYI - Wal-Mart has wallets on sale for $2.99 each. I found even cheaper ones for $.99 at the Dollar Store and bought all they had in three of their stores. Also, you never get to eat at McDonald's. I've already lost 11 pounds just running back and forth from Lowe's, to Home Depot, to Wal-Mart. So please, send this on to all the retired men that you know and warn them to be on the lookout for this scam.


PS:The best times are just before lunch and around 4:30 in the afternoon.